Thanksgiving weekend puts a lot of family in one room. Between the leftovers and the football, it's also one of the few times many families can talk face to face about the things nobody likes to bring up: what happens if Mom gets sick, who makes decisions if Dad can't, and whether there's a will at all. An estate planning attorney can turn that conversation into a plan, and the holidays are a natural time to get started.
This article is general information, not legal advice. Estate laws vary a lot from state to state, so talk to a licensed attorney where you or your parents live before making decisions.
How to start the conversation without making it awkward
Nobody wants to sound like they're eyeing the silverware. A few approaches tend to go better than others.
- Start with yourself. "We just did our wills and it made me wonder whether you two have yours set up" is easier to hear than "We need to talk about your will."
- Focus on decisions, not money. Most parents care more about who will speak for them at the hospital than about who gets the house.
- Keep it short. You don't need to finish the plan at the table. The goal is agreeing to meet with someone.
- Include siblings where you can. Surprises later cause most family fights. Shared information now prevents a lot of them.
- Let them lead. It's their plan. Your job is to make it easy for them to get help.
What an estate plan usually includes
People hear "estate plan" and think it's only for the wealthy. In practice, most adults benefit from a few basic documents, whatever their net worth.
A will
A will says who gets your property and, for parents of young children, who you want as guardian. Without one, state law decides, and that may not match your wishes.
A trust, if it fits
A revocable living trust can hold property during your life and pass it to others afterward, sometimes without going through probate. It isn't right for everyone. An attorney can tell you whether one makes sense for your family and your state.
A durable power of attorney
This names someone to handle money matters, such as paying bills or dealing with the bank, if you can't. Without it, a family may have to go to court to get that authority.
A healthcare directive
Depending on the state, this may be called a healthcare power of attorney, healthcare proxy, advance directive or living will. It names who can make medical decisions for you and can record your wishes about treatment.
Beneficiary designations
Retirement accounts, life insurance and some bank accounts pass to whoever is named on the account, not according to the will. Old forms that still name an ex-spouse or a late relative are one of the most common problems estate lawyers see. Checking them is free and takes an afternoon.
Why work with an estate planning attorney instead of using forms
Online forms exist, and for some people they're a start. But an attorney does things a form can't:
- Applies your state's rules. Signing and witness requirements differ by state, and a mistake can make a document hard to use.
- Spots problems. Blended families, a child with special needs, a family business, property in two states or a relative who struggles with money all call for careful drafting.
- Coordinates the pieces. A will, a trust and beneficiary forms need to point in the same direction.
- Plans for long-term care. An elder law attorney focuses on issues like paying for nursing care, Medicaid rules and protecting a spouse at home.
How to find an estate planning attorney near you
Look for the right focus
Some lawyers handle estates as a sideline. Others focus on estate planning, probate and elder law. Read how each firm describes its own work. On Listings Junkie, the lawyers category is organized by state, so you can start with pages such as lawyers in California, Texas, New York or Florida.
Here are a few examples listed on the site. Casiano Law Firm in San Diego describes a focus on probate, trusts, estate planning and elder law. Skeen Law Firm in San Antonio describes estate planning and probate work, including wills, trusts and incapacity planning. On Long Island, Davidow, Davidow, Siegel & Stern describes its work in estate planning, elder law and special needs planning. These are examples to help you see what to look for, not endorsements.
Use the state where the person lives
Estate documents follow the law of the state where the person lives. If your parents are in Florida and you're in Ohio, look for a lawyer licensed in Florida.
Ask how they charge
Many estate planning attorneys charge a flat fee for a standard set of documents, while others bill hourly. Probate and more complex planning are often billed differently. Ask for the fee and what it includes before you book.
Ask a few key questions
- What documents do you think we need, and why?
- Do you also handle probate and trust administration later?
- Who will be our contact, and how quickly do you return calls?
- How often should we review the plan?
What to bring to the first meeting
Use this as a simple estate planning checklist.
- A rough list of assets: home, accounts, retirement plans, life insurance, vehicles, any business
- Recent statements, or at least the names of the banks and companies
- Names and contact details for the people you'd like to name as executor, trustee, agent and guardian
- Copies of any existing wills, trusts or powers of attorney
- A list of current beneficiary designations, if you have them
- Questions you and your family want answered
If your parents already work with an accountant or financial advisor, bring them into the loop. Our guide to choosing the right accountant covers what to look for, and the financial services category lists advisors and planners by state.
After the documents are signed
An estate plan isn't a one-time chore. Plan to review it every few years and after any big life change: a marriage, divorce, birth, death, move to a new state or major change in assets. Tell the people you've named where the documents are kept.
If a parent is starting to need help at home, it may also be time to look at home health and senior care options in their area, so the plan and the care fit together.
Frequently asked questions
Do my parents need an estate planning attorney if they don't have much money?
Often, yes. Powers of attorney and healthcare directives matter for everyone, and a will can prevent confusion even when there's little property. Many attorneys offer basic packages for simple situations.
What's the difference between estate planning and probate?
Estate planning is done while you're alive to set up your wishes. Probate is the court process that can follow a death to settle the estate. Some attorneys do both.
What is an elder law attorney?
An elder law attorney focuses on legal issues common to older adults, such as long-term care costs, Medicaid planning, guardianship and protecting a spouse.
How often should an estate plan be updated?
A review every few years is a good habit, plus after any major life event such as a marriage, divorce, birth, death or a move to another state.
Can my parents use documents from another state?
Sometimes, but rules differ. After a move, it's wise to have a local attorney review existing documents.
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